*Processing Emotions!!!
I'm finally getting around to writing this post, and I have to insert back in place where it belongs because it took me such a long time to really get it and understand just how important it is. So what exactly does it mean to process emotions? It's kinda like digesting them. Even like regurgitating, as if you're a cow. Ok, I'm not comparing anyone to a cow, just hear me out. A cow chews and chews and
swallows it's cud down into it's stomach and then it comes back up
again to get chewed some more. It goes through 5 different stomachs to
digest it. Processing emotions is like a cow digesting its food.
It's a process. We chew on it, it goes down, it comes back up again, we chew some more, it goes back down, repeat, it goes through all those stomachs, and hopefully it comes out as some really good fertilizer in the end, ha! I may have taken that a bit far, but when take all the time we need to process our emotions, the process gives us awareness and so much more.
So how do we process our emotions? Let me give you a visual. When you see your negative emotions come knocking at your door, open the door. And there it is. (I like to say it out loud. "Oh, I'm feeling anxiety." I can do anxiety. I've done it before.) Invite it in and let it sit with you. And then start to get super curious with it. Where do you feel it in your body? What does it feel like? I it a tightness or an ache or a pain? What does it look like if you could describe it? Where is it coming from? Wonder why, question everything about it, with no judgement of yourself as you do so. What thoughts might causing it? The more you get curious about it, and nonjudgmental the better. And this process may go on for long periods of time, where you are ruminating with your emotions--you know, regurgitating like a cow.
When we process our emotions instead of resisting them, we begin to get clarity and understanding. We learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable. And we avoid all the junk that can come from resisting our emotions. My coach once told me how amazing she thought it would be if our kids could all learn to process emotions so they wouldn't turn to drugs or pornography or cutting or overeating, or all those hard things that cause problems. Instead, they could just learn to process our emotions, instead of resisting them or turning to a buffer instead.
When we learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable, we can really progress. Isn't that what the Lord wants us to do? Doing missionary work can really be uncomfortable at times. But the more we do it, the easier it gets. Because we learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Overcoming our fears gets easier and easier.
When emotions come, we can just sit with them. Like a beach ball sitting on top of the water. If we resist it and push it down under the water, eventually it will burst back up, propelled up out of the water which we might see in ourselves as exploding emotions. I'm not sure if processing negative emotions always looks like a beach ball sitting on top of the water for me. Sometimes it's more like ocean waves that come and lap over me. Sometimes they become big waves that knock me over, but I always know that eventually they will subside, or I can even jump out of the water for a bit if I need to. They are just vibrations caused by chemicals and hormones in my body. Relaxing into them, sitting with them, you can do it. Just breathe.
We may need to process our emotions forever. You may think, what?! I want to get done with these negative emotions and get to feeling good again! But processing emotions is something we don't want to miss. It's such a crucial part of awareness and exploring our mind and heart and feelings so we get the clarity and the why behind it all.
Let me give you an example. I was feeling sad and hurt after my husband didn't approve of something I did. I was ok with it, but he just didn't agree. As I processed this emotion, I realized that I was feeling sad because I cared what he thought about me. Identifying this thought, I suddenly got upset with myself that I cared what he thought. But after some time, I realized that I will always care what my husband thinks about me, whether it's true or not. I just will. And I don't want to change that. I want to know his perspective because I value it, even though we may not always agree. I also know I don't always think positively about everything he does. So now I'm realizing that every time my husband judges me or doesn't agree or approve of something about me, I'm gonna feel sad, hurt, or even upset because I care what he thinks about me. And because I have processed it enough to gain clarity and awareness of why I'm feeling sad, I will be so much more accepting of the sadness when it comes because I totally know where it's coming from and why I'm feeling it. I get to process those emotions every time a scenario like that comes up. I can be content with my it because I know I will always care what my husband thinks about me. I've decided it's worth being sad about because I'm not going to change my thinking on this. And more often then not, his thinking about me is pretty amazing. Lucky gal, I am!
So how do we process our emotions? Let me give you a visual. When you see your negative emotions come knocking at your door, open the door. And there it is. (I like to say it out loud. "Oh, I'm feeling anxiety." I can do anxiety. I've done it before.) Invite it in and let it sit with you. And then start to get super curious with it. Where do you feel it in your body? What does it feel like? I it a tightness or an ache or a pain? What does it look like if you could describe it? Where is it coming from? Wonder why, question everything about it, with no judgement of yourself as you do so. What thoughts might causing it? The more you get curious about it, and nonjudgmental the better. And this process may go on for long periods of time, where you are ruminating with your emotions--you know, regurgitating like a cow.
When we process our emotions instead of resisting them, we begin to get clarity and understanding. We learn to be comfortable being uncomfortable. And we avoid all the junk that can come from resisting our emotions. My coach once told me how amazing she thought it would be if our kids could all learn to process emotions so they wouldn't turn to drugs or pornography or cutting or overeating, or all those hard things that cause problems. Instead, they could just learn to process our emotions, instead of resisting them or turning to a buffer instead.
When we learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable, we can really progress. Isn't that what the Lord wants us to do? Doing missionary work can really be uncomfortable at times. But the more we do it, the easier it gets. Because we learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Overcoming our fears gets easier and easier.
When emotions come, we can just sit with them. Like a beach ball sitting on top of the water. If we resist it and push it down under the water, eventually it will burst back up, propelled up out of the water which we might see in ourselves as exploding emotions. I'm not sure if processing negative emotions always looks like a beach ball sitting on top of the water for me. Sometimes it's more like ocean waves that come and lap over me. Sometimes they become big waves that knock me over, but I always know that eventually they will subside, or I can even jump out of the water for a bit if I need to. They are just vibrations caused by chemicals and hormones in my body. Relaxing into them, sitting with them, you can do it. Just breathe.
We may need to process our emotions forever. You may think, what?! I want to get done with these negative emotions and get to feeling good again! But processing emotions is something we don't want to miss. It's such a crucial part of awareness and exploring our mind and heart and feelings so we get the clarity and the why behind it all.
Let me give you an example. I was feeling sad and hurt after my husband didn't approve of something I did. I was ok with it, but he just didn't agree. As I processed this emotion, I realized that I was feeling sad because I cared what he thought about me. Identifying this thought, I suddenly got upset with myself that I cared what he thought. But after some time, I realized that I will always care what my husband thinks about me, whether it's true or not. I just will. And I don't want to change that. I want to know his perspective because I value it, even though we may not always agree. I also know I don't always think positively about everything he does. So now I'm realizing that every time my husband judges me or doesn't agree or approve of something about me, I'm gonna feel sad, hurt, or even upset because I care what he thinks about me. And because I have processed it enough to gain clarity and awareness of why I'm feeling sad, I will be so much more accepting of the sadness when it comes because I totally know where it's coming from and why I'm feeling it. I get to process those emotions every time a scenario like that comes up. I can be content with my it because I know I will always care what my husband thinks about me. I've decided it's worth being sad about because I'm not going to change my thinking on this. And more often then not, his thinking about me is pretty amazing. Lucky gal, I am!
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