Believing on Purpose

I will never forget a visit I had with my supervisor in the Meridian Temple. She had asked me if I was willing to be a coordinator on my 4 hour shift in the baptistry. I had been acting as one for the past couple of weeks, and I was struggling with how I felt about it. I told her that I was in charge of so many things--at home and church--so many things I had coming up with moving, building, and my son's wedding. When I came to the temple, I really didn't want to be in charge of anything. I just wanted to serve and more fully feel the peace of the Spirit there. She suggested to me that I probably needed to be still and know that He is God. I agreed that that was exactly what I needed. She then suggested something I will never forget. She said to take that scripture and reverse it. Know God so that I might be still. It was at that point that I began to really understand the importance of "learn of me" from the scripture in D&C 19:23. If I wanted peace, I needed to ...

I remember I was serving in Young Women's when the year's theme, "Peace in Christ" came from that awesome scripture in D&C 19:23 that says, "Learn of me, and listen to my words; walk in the meekness of my Spirit, and ye shall have peace in me". I was so excited because I had my recipe! Only took me over 40 years to figure that out...even though it was right in front of me for years. I was really seeking peace in my life. So I tried really hard to do all those things to have peace. I focused on meekness for a long time. I read books on it, studied it...my favorite thing I learned about meekness came from Sister Patricia Holland. She said, "Meekness is walking with God." If I could learn to control my emotions with meekness--express them at the right time in the right way, just the way God wanted me to--wow backwards! Wouldn't that be great?! (But back then I didn't understand that my emotions are controlled by my thoughts. Hold on...

Some amazing things happened to me, and I can totally see the timing in it. It started when my kids started growing up and not needing me so much. I'd always prided myself on teaching my kids to be self-sufficient, so they really didn't need me much. What was I to do now? I didn't have any hobbies or talents because I'd spent 25 years pleasing and helping my husband and kids with their talents and dreams. What were my talents and dreams? What did I even like to do? Without my family, did I even have purpose? As I began to search for purpose, or even things I enjoyed doing, I struggled. I didn't know how to do that. And I had so much time on my hands that I started looking for reasons for my lack of talent or reasons I never pursued things that I wanted to do. That resentment came creeping right back in. I started to blame others for my own problems, as if they were the reason I had neglected myself. My relationships began to struggle. With that blaming g...